Ultimate Blog Party: My Large Family

As I have mentioned, I am the lucky mom of 6 great kids (3 boys and 3 girls), with another one coming in July! While you can read all about my terrific family on my About Page, I thought I'd address some of the common questions I am asked about our family.



Wow, you look so young to have 6 kids! Ok, not technically a question, but this is probably the most common thing that people say to me when they learn how many kids I have. I also have been asked where I go to high school (when I don't have the kids with me), if I am the babysitter, and often if this (meaning the baby bump) is my first. On the one hand I know I look young for my age, but at the same time I do realize that it is pretty unusual to have such a large family at 26 years old. (I'll be 27 when #7 comes.)

I was 20 when I became a mother. At that time I was not a Christian, and obviously not living a Christian life. But my lifestyle was pretty typical among people my age. I had an apartment and a live-in boyfriend. I worked temp jobs and went out on the weekends. The only difference was that my boyfriend had two children from a previous marriage, but even that isn't very strange. The children (sadly) lived sometimes with Mark's mom, sometimes with their mom, and sometimes with us. When I became pregnant that summer, we decided to get married and move into a bigger apartment so his children could live with us full time. That's when I became the instant mommy of 3 -- and I was still two weeks away from being 21 when my son was born.

After that, well, it seems that my husband and I are very fertile! We enjoyed having babies, and never tried to prevent them, so we ended up having a new one every 18 months or so. And since we started so early, and already had 3 when we began, I ended up being the youngest mom of many I have ever met. Which doesn't really bother me. I have no desire to have an extended childhood with years of taking care of no one but myself before I finally settle down. Honestly, I think it's a little sad that we live in a culture where 12 year olds pretend to be grown ups (wearing tight clothes, dating, watching sexy movies), and so do 20 year olds (living off of mommy and daddy, avoiding commitment, postponing marriage and childbearing). I prefer to raise my kids to be children while they still are, and all along learning the skills they need to actually be grown ups when they're grown up. I kind of wish I had been raised that way.



Did you always want to have so many children? Honestly? No. Our culture doesn't really value large families very much, and I know for certain that this is not what my family expected of me. I was supposed to go to college, establish a career, and then when the time was "right," settle down and have two or maybe three children. I never questioned that. When my son was born and I suddenly had three kids, I was adamant that this was "enough."

But by the time that I was actually capable of conceiving again (I breastfeed and typically enjoy several months to a year before that happens), my heart had softened. I loved having my kids, and I wanted more. After that I just kept thinking, "one more." For a while we toyed with the idea of being Quiverfull, though we eventually decided not to. (I am supportive of the QF movement, though.)



Are you done having kids? Are you going to have another? This baby, number 7, is almost certainly our last. I love babies, and I would happily have two dozen, but I suffer from medical problems (exacerbated by pregnancy) that not only affect me, but my whole family. (My problems also probably disqualify me from adopting.) I just don't want to put my husband and children through that any longer. Although, when we are not pregnant my kids ask me constantly when they can have another brother or sister. I don't think they believe there is such a thing as "enough kids."



How can you afford to have so many kids? And stay home?? I suppose it depends on your priorities. Honestly, my husband is not rich; he makes a pretty typical salary. And we are not poor. We have cable TV, the internet, cell phones, two cars. We go out to eat and rent movies. We currently rent, but we are working on buying a house soon. I guess we just don't care if we have the latest things, and if we really do want something, we budget. I don't care to spend hundreds of dollars on birthday parties; we'd all rather invite over all the cousins and have hot dogs (or crawfish, in season!) I am uninterested in spending time in beauty salons or shopping for things I don't absolutely need. We have virtually no credit card debt, and what we have is just to build up our credit so we can buy a house. I suppose we are just casual, laid back people, and that doesn't cost as much. I never really seem to feel like we're deprived because of anything we don't have, because we really have everything we need. I mean, we live in one of the richest countries in the world -- do we also need to be the richest people in town?

Additionally, I can't afford to work. I am just not a skilled professional, and I don't have the desire to devote my whole life to a career. The kinds of jobs I could get would never pay for daycare for 6 kids. Not that I want to work; I like being at home.



Don't they drive you crazy? Especially homeschooling -- how can you stand to have them all home all day? I think that most people underestimate themselves in this area. In general, children come one at a time. A baby is born, and you get used to having 4 instead of 3. I really don't look around my house and think, "Wow, there's a lot of kids here." I just see my kids. Sometimes I even have to count them because I just don't feel like there's really 6 of them! (Elizabeth Elliot's mother once said, "If one child takes up all your time, six can't take any more!" It's so true!)

I have never had a moment where I felt like the number of children I had was harder than the number I had before. (IOW, I have never thought that 4 was harder than 3, or 5 harder than 4.) Admittedly, I have never had just one child, and I only had 2 for a very short time. (About 4 months.) But I do honestly think that 3 children is much harder than 4. Someone is constantly left out, wanting your attention, fighting with someone. 3 is just a very difficult number, IMO. (ETA: Last night I heard Mark tell someone that 1 child is the hardest. I don't know how much he knows about that; he had only 1 child for exactly 10 months and 1 day! Anyway, I still think that 3 is the hardest.)

Furthermore, I am extremely grateful to have my oldest children home all day. Since I am their step-mother, there have been occasions when they were visiting their biological mother and I had to deal with babies all by myself. I missed my big kids! Now that my oldest biological child is big enough to help, I have absolutely no desire to send him to school all day. (Not that I wanted to before, but now I am expected to.) Of course this is not the only, or even the biggest reason that I homeschool (the biggest reason is that I enjoy being the one teaching them and watching them learn and grow), but it does seem crazy to me that people think having the big kids at school would be easier than having them home.



Are you depressed because you have so many kids? Ok, usually people say this one behind my back rather than to my face. Let me be clear: Yes, I suffer from chronic, occasionally severe, clinical depression. I have suffered from this since I was a child. I was on meds in junior high and sent to therapy in high school. It's the reason I dropped out of college. It is not because of my kids! My kids are the reason I am getting better, and that is really the bottom line.



Do you ever get any time to yourself? Well, I don't believe in the concept of "Mommy Time" as most people think of it (I feel it contradicts the Bible's admonishments to put others first and to let God take care of us rather than trying to seek rewards for ourselves), but yes, I do have plenty of time to enjoy my relationship with my husband and to pursue hobbies that I enjoy. My husband and I spend time together every night after the children go to bed. We also go out on date nights alone, or go out with our friends on weekends.

During the day, when my husband is not home, I enjoy blogging, working on PHP scripts (I'm a geek!), and taking photos. It's easy to find time for these things because I don't feel that I have to have a babysitter or have my children occupied elsewhere while I do them. I often blog with a baby on my lap, and most of my photos are of my children. My oldest daughter even has her own digital camera and her own photo blog, so these are interests we share.

What I long for the most is more time doing things together as a family. I feel that we spend too much of our free time watching TV or just sitting around. I'd really like to take up scrapbooking with my daughter, and to convince my husband to join us at the park more often. (He has back problems, so often doesn't join in on outdoor activities.) I'm working on it!



If you have any other questions about my family, or big families in general, leave them in the comments and I will try to answer!

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